The Subtle Signs of Gaslighting: How to Protect Yourself in a Relationship

“You’re overreacting.”

“That never happened.”

“You’re too sensitive.”

Have you ever heard these phrases before? If you have, these are common examples of what is known as “gaslighting.” Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that causes someone to question their own reality, memories, or feelings. While it can be obvious in some cases, gaslighting is often subtle and hard to detect. In order to protect yourself, it’s important to be able to identify the signs of this behavior.

What Is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting occurs when a partner manipulates you into doubting your perceptions or feelings. This tactic can create confusion, self-doubt, and even anxiety. Recognizing the signs early can prevent deeper emotional harm.

Subtle Signs of Gaslighting

While some behaviors may be obvious, others can be more insidious. Here’s what you want to watch out for:

Minimizing Your Feelings

A gaslighting partner may repeatedly downplay your emotions or experiences, making you feel overly sensitive or irrational.

“You’re always overreacting.”
“Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”
“You’re just being too emotional.”

Denying Past Events

Gaslighters often rewrite history or outright deny previous conversations or events, even when you remember them clearly.

“I never said that.”
“You must be imagining things.”
“That never happened.”

Shifting Blame

Instead of taking responsibility, a gaslighter may deflect blame onto you, twisting situations to make you feel at fault.

“You’re the one who started this.”
“If you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have reacted that way.”

Withholding Information

A gaslighter may intentionally withhold information, leaving you feeling excluded or confused about what’s happening.

“I didn’t think it was important to tell you.”
“You wouldn’t understand, anyway.”

Undermining Your Confidence

They may subtly plant doubts about your abilities, intelligence, or decision-making skills.

“You’re not really good with money.”
“I don’t think you can handle this on your own.”

Creating Confusion

A gaslighter may contradict themselves or frequently change their story to keep you uncertain or second-guessing your memory.

“I never said that.” (Even when you know they clearly did).
“You’re remembering it wrong.”

Isolation

By convincing you that others are unreliable or against you, a gaslighter may isolate you from supportive friends or family.

“Your friends are always trying to turn you against me.”
“You can’t trust anyone but me.”

Weaponizing Love and Affection

They may shower you with love, only to withdraw it as a form of control.

“If you really loved me, you wouldn’t question me.”
“I’m only doing this because I care about you.”

How to Protect Yourself From Gaslighting

If you suspect your partner may be gaslighting you, there are ways to protect yourself!

Document Your Experiences: Keep a journal of conversations, events, and your feelings. Writing things down can help you track patterns of their behavior and maintain clarity about the events that happened.
Seek Outside Perspective: Confide in trusted friends, family members, or even a therapist. Hearing objective feedback can help you validate your experiences.
Establish Boundaries: Communicate clear boundaries about what behavior you will and will not tolerate. Enforcing these boundaries and implementing consequences for boundary violations is essential for self-protection.
Trust Your Intuition: If something feels off, it probably is! Trust your gut. Your instincts are often more reliable than the manipulations of the gaslighting partner.
Build a Support System: Surround yourself with people who validate and support you. Gaslighters thrive on isolation, so maintaining outside connections is key.
Take Care of Yourself: Gaslighting can take a serious emotional toll. Prioritize alone time and separation from your partner to engage in activities that recharge your energy and bring you joy. Doing this can help you gain clarity and strength.
Seek Professional Support: A therapist can help you process your experiences in a safe environment, develop coping skills, and rebuild your sense of trust. You can protect yourself from gaslighting, and couples counseling will help you get there! Reach out today.