Effective Strategies for Improving Communication with Your Partner

Communication is a skill that requires a conscious effort, practice, and repetition, especially in romantic relationships when emotions are high. But like any skill, some people are better at it than others. Maybe you’re feeling your partner is struggling in this area, or maybe you are noticing some difficulties with your communication skills. Fear not, because communication can be improved! Let’s discuss some effective strategies that may be helpful.

Listen to Understand, Not to Respond

During times of discussion, we can sometimes get lost in our own thoughts that we forget to truly listen to what our partners are saying. When we listen with the intent of jumping in with a response, we miss out on deeper meanings of the conversation.

How to Improve: 

• Practice active listening, which is fully listening to your partner when they are speaking.
• Use non-verbal cues, such as nodding or maintaining eye contact, to show attentiveness.
• Resist the urge to interrupt, even if you disagree with something they are saying.

Use “I” Statements Instead of “You” Statements

“I” statements are an important tool to use to express feelings without placing blame. For example, instead of saying, “you never listen to me,” try saying, “I feel like you don’t hear me when I’m trying to share something important.” Replacing “you” with “I” makes the conversation less confrontational.

How to Improve: 

• Describe how you feel, not what your partner is doing wrong.
• Pair the feeling with a specific behavior that is causing it, like “I feel ignored when we spend too much time on our phones.”
• Ask about ways that both people can address the issue together.

Practice Empathy and Validation

Empathy allows for connection and understanding, while validation shows acknowledgement of your partner’s feelings, even when you don’t necessarily agree with them. Together, these skills are powerful for enhancing communication.

How to Improve: 

• When your partner expresses their feelings, respond with phrases like “That sounds really hard,” or “I understand why you feel that way.”
• Avoid being dismissive when your partner is sharing how they feel.
• Take time to see things from your partner’s perspective, especially during conflicts.

Set Aside Time for Important Conversations

It’s easy to fall into the trap of having serious conversations during inconvenient times—like right before bed, in the middle of a workday, or during dinner with friends or family. To have meaningful, stress-free conversations, set aside dedicated time to discuss important topics.

How to Improve: 

• Find a time when both you and your partner are calm, alert, and free of other obligations.
• Set rules for the conversation, such as avoiding interruptions, and giving each other time to talk.
• Use this time to share both positives and negatives in the relationship.

Manage Nonverbal Communication

Nonverbal cues, such as body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions, can convey a lot of thought and emotion. Sometimes, these acts can contradict our words, causing confusion. Be aware of your own nonverbal cues, and observe your partner’s.

How to Improve: 

• Pay attention to your posture, eye contact, and gestures. They may seem subtle, but they can speak volumes.
• If your partner seems distant or irritated, address it by asking gentle questions about how they are feeling.
• Match your tone of voice and body language to what you’re trying to say. If you are trying to present as calm, try not to avoid eye contact or cross your arms and legs.

Be Patient and Reflective

When dealing with intense emotions or complex issues, taking a moment to cool down before discussing things can make a huge difference. This can prevent arguments from escalating and allow you both time to reflect.

How to Improve: 

• If the conversation becomes heated, take a break and tackle it later.
• Take the break to consider your partner’s perspective.
• Seek help from a couples therapist. Couples counseling can help you learn and practice these skills for better improved communication. Reach out today!